Funny Bumper-stickers

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder .

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Ham and eggs… A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.

All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.

Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.

Don’t miss today worrying about tomorrow.

I think therefore we have nothing in common.

Computers help us to do stupid things faster.

If you always take time to stop and smell the roses… sooner or later, you’ll inhale a bee.

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

Auntie Em, Hate you; Hate Kansas; Taking the dog. – Dorothy.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

I am not a bum – My wife works

I’m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Humpty Dumpty didn’t fall… he was pushed.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

When there’s a will, I want to be in it!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Forget about World Peace… Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !

Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most!

I gave up drinking, smoking and sex – Worst 15 minutes of my life

My karma ran over my dogma

We’re Spending our Kids Inheritance

If you’re rich, I’m single

According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.

Boldly Going Nowhere

Money Isn’t Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

… compiled from forwarded emails.

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